It’s common to hear that grief is a journey. But for those facing a significant loss—whether through the death of a loved one, a terminal illness, the end of a relationship, or even the loss of a job—grief can feel overwhelming, unpredictable, and all-consuming.
While there is no specific way to grieve, many people experience grief in various stages marked by intense emotions, life changes, and painful transitions. Over time, psychologists and grief experts have identified 7 stages of grief to help people make sense of these difficult emotions.
The most well-known is the Kübler-Ross model, which originally outlined five stages of grief. In recent years, this model has expanded to include two additional stages, creating a more complete picture of the grief journey.
Let’s explore the 7 stages of grief and how understanding them can be an important part of the grieving process.
What Are the 7 Stages of Grief?
The concept of grief stages originated with psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, who initially described five stages in her groundbreaking work with terminally ill patients in 1969.
In recent years, mental health professionals have expanded the Kübler-Ross model to include additional stages, recognizing the complexities of grief. Today, many healthcare providers and counselors reference seven stages of grief to help people understand their loss experience.
These 7 stages of grief represent the various ways people process this difficult emotion:
- Shock and Denial (first stage of grief): This initial stage of grief serves as a coping mechanism against the overwhelming reality of the loss. The denial stage is characterized by initial shock, numbness, and difficulty accepting what has happened.
- Pain and Guilt : Once the shock begins to fade, intense emotional pain emerges alongside feelings of guilt. Many people question if they could have done different things to prevent their loss.
- Anger and Bargaining : The anger stage often includes feelings of rage directed at family members, healthcare providers, a higher power, or even the deceased. The bargaining stage of grief involves negotiating with a higher power, making promises in exchange for relief from painful emotions.
- Depression : This stage brings deep sadness and feelings of depression as the reality of the loss fully sets in. Many experience withdrawal from daily activities and difficulty maintaining their daily routine.
- The Upward Turn : In this stage, the physical symptoms and emotional chaos of grief begin to lessen. Daily life becomes more manageable as you adjust to your new reality.
- Reconstruction and Working Through : You begin rebuilding your life and creating a new normal. This may involve lifestyle changes and exploring practical ways to move forward.
- Acceptance and Hope : The final stage of grief isn't about being "okay" with the loss, but rather accepting the reality of the loss and finding ways to honor your loved one while continuing with your own life. Personal growth often emerges during this stage.
What Is the Hardest Stage of Grief?
There is no wrong way to grieve, and different people find different stages particularly challenging.
For many, depression is often cited as the most difficult of the 7 stages of grief, as the deep sadness and withdrawal can significantly impact daily life and make even simple tasks feel impossible.
Others find the anger stage most difficult to navigate, especially when intense feelings of anger are directed toward loved ones or family members. The difficult emotions in this stage can strain your support system at a time when you need them most.
The bargaining stage can also be particularly painful as the realization that no bargain will bring back what was lost can be crushing.
Professional help is often most valuable during these intense periods of grief.
How Long Do the 7 Stages of Grief Last?
The most important thing to understand about the 7 stages of grief is that they don't follow a specific timeline. Each person moves through the grieving process at their own pace and in their own way.
Some may experience certain stages for just days, while others might process the same stage for months or even years.
Factors that can influence the duration include:
- The type of grief (loss of a spouse versus end of a relationship or loss of a job)
- Your personal relationship with the deceased
- Whether the death was sudden or followed a chronic illness
- Your previous experiences with loss
- The strength of your support system
Some people may revisit any of the 7 stages of grief multiple times as they process their grief. This is completely normal and a natural response to significant loss.
Are the 7 Stages of Grief Always in Order?
No—people experience grief in different ways, and the seven stages of grief are not meant to be followed in a specific order.
You might revisit the initial stage of grief weeks or months later, or find yourself skipping a stage altogether. It’s a personal journey that unfolds uniquely for each person.
Do the 7 Stages of Grief Apply to More Than Death?
Yes, absolutely! While these stages were initially developed to help terminally ill patients face death, the 7 stages of grief now apply to a wide range of loss experiences.
This includes the end of a relationship, chronic illness, loss of a job, or other life changes. Any type of grief that comes from significant loss can move through the various stages of grief.
If you're going through the 7 stages of grief, know that it's normal for different emotions to come and go. To help you navigate this, we strongly recommend considering grief counseling and grief support groups. These can be valuable resources that can help you with this challenging time.
How Can You Support Someone Going Through the 7 Stages of Grief?
Grief is a difficult time for anyone, and providing support to someone moving through the 7 stages of grief requires patience, understanding, and creating a safe space for them to express difficult emotions. Here are some practical ways to help:
During Shock and Denial
- Know that denial is normal. Even weeks or months after the loss, sometimes the bereaved will wake up thinking they'll find their spouse next to them.
- Share your own shock. Let them know that you still can't believe it yourself, but if they start to wonder if there was somehow a mistake, try to ground them with leading questions.
- Encourage them to attend grief counseling or therapy. If they're unable to move past the initial stage of shock and aren't able to function, offer to help them find counseling for support.
During Pain, Guilt, and Anger
- Expect the unexpected. The person may be angry at their deceased loved one, at other relatives, at themselves, at friends, or even at God. If they direct anger at you, give them time and grace.
- Talk through the anger with them. Let them know that it's normal to feel this way. Agree that it's not fair, that the world was cruel. Letting someone vent can be a crucial part in processing the anger and moving forward.
- Do physical activities together. Take a kickboxing class, do strength training together, or even go for a run. Hard, physical exercise can be a positive outlet for anger.
During Bargaining
- Remind people that "what if" doesn't change anything and that no one is at fault. The bereaved may wonder "what if I had told him to go to the doctor sooner," or "if only I could see him again." Remind them not to place guilt on themselves.
- Be prepared for the realization that the bargain won't work. The hope that we sometimes feel when thinking of a bargain can be devastating when brought back to reality. Know that this can be crushing, and offer support and company when you can.
During Depression
- Tell your loved one that this is normal. It's horrible, but it's part of the process. There's nothing wrong with them, and the worst of the pain will pass, so hang on.
- Watch out for risky behaviors. When depressed, some people may be prone to abusing alcohol, substances, or even gambling. If your loved one is exhibiting concerning behavior, reach out and offer alternatives to keep them company. People sometimes fall into addictions when grieving that are difficult to recover from later.
- Offer company and routine. Can you go to yoga together once a week? Or if you have a neighbor who lost a spouse, ask if they'd like to go on daily walks together. Something routine and together can be valuable at this stage when everything can be overwhelming.
- Be proactive about grief triggers. Birthdays, holidays, anniversaries are all common triggers, but even songs, smells, and catching site of something that belonged to the deceased can all cause a new wave of depression. Try to take note of big days, and check in around holidays and their anniversary without them asking.
- Share a sympathy gift to honor the loss. This can be given at any stage, but it can be particularly powerful here. You can give gifts like personalized wind chimes, comfort blankets, and memorial jewelry.
During the Upward Turn and Reconstruction
- Continue offering practical support with lifestyle changes
- Encourage small steps toward re-engagement with life
- Acknowledge progress in their healing journey
During Acceptance
- Understand that acceptance doesn't mean forgetting—continue to share memories
- Recognize that waves of grief may still return, especially during significant events
- Celebrate their personal growth and resilience
When Should Someone Seek Professional Help for Grief?
While grief is a natural response to loss, sometimes professional help becomes necessary. Consider connecting with mental health professionals or local support groups if:
- Grief interferes with daily activities for an extended period
- There are persistent feelings of guilt or thoughts of self-harm
- The grieving person shows signs of complicated grief that doesn't improve with time
- Physical symptoms worsen or persist
- Substance abuse develops as a coping mechanism
Grief counseling, therapy, and support groups can be invaluable resources. In recent years, many healthcare providers have begun including mindfulness practices and different forms of therapy in their training sessions for those experiencing grief.
Final Thoughts on the 7 Stages of Grief
Grief is an inevitable part of life, and though we all experience feelings of loss differently, knowing the stages of grief model can help provide language and structure for the chaos of mourning.
There’s no right or wrong way to grieve. There is only your way—and time, support, and care are essential to moving through the healing process.
If you or someone you love is grieving, consider reaching out for professional help, joining a support system, and honoring the journey with compassion.
Looking to support a loved one going through grief? Our sympathy gifts—such as personalized memorial wind chimes, remembrance jewelry, or cozy comfort items—can offer tangible expressions of love and hope during this difficult time.